The TURN COMMANDMENTS

The TURN COMMANDMENTS of the Ski-School Gods

For all you skiers n teachers not reaching your full potential, here's why:

I               Thou shalt not have any other Ski-School Gods before us, as we, the Lords your Gods, are jealous and greedy Gods; and Thou shalt not take PSIA's name in vain, nor tell the truth about PSIA or our Pyramid-Scheme Ski Schools.  (--You can covet them though.) 

II             Thou shalt buy ski boots too tight even with thin socks, so that your feet may often be cold and numb; and, once your boots "pack-out" in thirty-five days or so, thou shalt buy a new more-expensive pair.  (Hence SnowBoarding, so that the Ski Gods look even more elite.)

III            Thou shalt be confused about ski technology, full of smoke-n-mirrors and planned obsolescence, often having skis too short for your stability and braking needs.  When ski technology gets double-easy, PSIA shall legislate ski techniques quadruple-difficult (--that is, less wedging or stemming, too much carving, less pole-work, and too much contrived technique assigned to the inside ski). 

IV            Thou beginning skiers shalt not be allowed to snowplow or wedge for their initial speed control and gradual-turning needs, because most teachers don't know how to let you let-go of this when the time comes (--it takes confidence and momen­tum to not wedge or stem). 

V              Thou beginning skiers shalt not be allowed the benefit of ski poles in their first lesson, for ease of getting skis on-n-off and balancing, because most teachers don't know how to introduce poles, and because many rental-shop employees don't like dealing with poles (--they make poles sound evil).  (Hence more dysfunctional SnowBoarding.)

VI            Thou shalt be taught to carve more turns than skid, even though carving does not slow you down (unless you dangerously ski uphill, against "the Code," like a runaway truck ramp).  Thou shalt be taught to carve "equally" on the inside ski, even though this is not possible since it has a tighter-radius turn, and even though learning independent-leg-action and favoring the outside ski more is safer and more efficient.  (Any time you cross your tips or do the splits, it's probably because there's too much weight on the inside ski.)

VII           Thou shalt not know about the benefits of intermediate-hardpack linked side-slips for understanding speed-control, . . . nor skidded short-swing turns simulat­ing the steep-n-narrow.  (When was the last time you saw someone going too fast on totally-turned-skidded skis?)

VIII          Thou advanced skiers shalt not know the prized secret blocking pole-plant to help you link short turns in powder, crud, and moguls, and to help you have speed-control down the steep-n-narrow.  (You can't be quicker without this earliest of pole-plants.)

IX            Thou shalt be led to believe that "parallel skiing" is the main goal, even though parallel is the most natural position for your feet to begin with; and Thou shalt not realize that it is okay to independently stem a ski and do One-Good-Turn-at-a-time even in an advanced class whenever going to a new steepness or snow condition. 

X             Thou more cautious and sensitive ski students and low-ranking instructors shalt be deemed "head cases" without access to the banished wiser gentler teachers like GARY HEINS; and Thou shalt always be shown how difficult skiing is rather than how easy it can be.                                                                                                                                                   #